Why Forgiveness Matters
Written by Kendall Bergman
As we move closer to Easter I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness. How is possible that Jesus could say “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” as he unlawfully hangs on a cross…dying for the sins of the world? It’s true that Jesus was completely perfect and was fulfilling his purpose, but that doesn’t negate the fact that forgiveness is essential for every human being to live a wholeheartedly.
Some of us believe forgiveness is necessary. Others believe that forgiveness is letting the offender off the hook, approving the wrong, and giving the other person the power. These assertions are simply not true. There’s a saying that goes “not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Research shows that the practice and ongoing action of forgiveness benefits overall health and well-being. Johns Hopkins reports that the act of forgiving can lower blood pressure, reduce stress, improve sleep, and on and on the list goes. You can read more here. So, there’s this practical, rational and tangible aspect of forgiveness. You can choose to not forgive, but there are physical, mental and emotional consequences. Much like the old saying…don’t forgive, you die…not the other person.
There are also spiritual consequences too. Choosing not to forgive is an act of defiance in a way. Do not understand me to suggest that war, violence, oppression, abuse, racism, etc. should be dismissed, whitewashed or forgotten. That is NOT what I’m suggesting. What I’m wondering is what happens with our agency and power when we refuse to forgive. It is my understanding and experience that we relinquish our very souls into the hands of the abuser as we choose to stand in our anger, hurt and brokenness…in perpetuity.
Forgiveness requires courageous vulnerability, but the return on that choice is freedom. Forgiveness is a process and a journey to be worked out daily. Forgiveness doesn’t need to occur in direct contact with the other person. Forgiveness is an ongoing choice that always restores responsibility, agency and autonomy. Forgiveness helps us move from stagnation to flourishing. At its fullest, forgiveness repairs relationship with God, ourselves and others.
Sue Monk Kidd writes, “I learned a long time ago that some people would rather die than forgive. It's a strange truth, but forgiveness is a painful and difficult process. It's not something that happens overnight. It's an evolution of the heart.” I believe there is truth in this statement. Are you willing to die in order to hold onto your hurt, sorrow and anger? Or, are you willing to step into the discomfort of letting go and leaning into healing…and live?
I hope and pray you choose courage…to live. I’m here to tell you the benefits of forgiveness offer life, breath, hope and joy. You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to a trusted loved one, pastor or friend and let them know what you are experiencing. Or, contact me today (hello@thediscoverywell.com) to schedule a complimentary discovery session to discuss.