Effectively Manage the Stress of Holiday Conflict
Guest Blog by: Angie Yarbrough
Almost 90% of Americans say that the holidays are the most stressful time of the year, according to a study conducted by OnePoll. They even identified the top reasons for arguments during the holidays: how much money to spend on other people, how much money to spend on parents, what presents to buy, which family members to visit and where to go on Christmas day. The study was done pre-pandemic in 2019, but the American Psychological Association reports that the pandemic has further increased our feelings of stress and frustration. With all this in mind, it’s no wonder that many of us are approaching this holiday season with extra caution.
Since I used to lead an annual training session on conflict management at a former employer, I thought it might be helpful to share a few effective strategies you could apply to any work or personal conflicts you encounter this holiday season. I truly hope they will help you reach the end of the year with healthier relationships and a personal sense of accomplishment.
Strategy #1 – Define acceptable behavior.
The first step is to communicate with all involved parties using an attitude of mutual respect and an expectation of reciprocation. There is a saying that 10% of conflict is a difference in opinion, while 90% is due to the wrong tone of voice. Keep the situation calm by focusing on the substance of the conflict rather than the emotions that surround them. If you can find a way to step back emotionally, it's always easier to find a solution. If all else fails, give yourself and the other parties a break. Walk away and come back later to maintain the calm (just be sure to read strategy #3).
Strategy #2 – Have an empathetic ear.
It's important for everyone involved to be willing to listen. This one comes straight out of Steven Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People with Habit #5 to seek first to understand, then to be understood. When we're listening empathetically, we aren't focused on the usual habit of listening to respond. This empathetic attitude often has the added benefit of strengthening and enriching the relationship between the conflicted parties.
Strategy #3 – Hit conflict head-on.
People are naturally either conflict avoiders or seekers. If your natural inclination is to avoid conflict at all costs, this strategy is for you! You must remember that a conflict ignored is one that festers. Ignoring the conflict allows emotions to take over and dictate the issue rather than the actual substance of the conflict. It's like a spark that becomes a roaring fire that has been cultivated by the silence. By instead addressing the conflict directly, you'll be minimizing the severity.
Strategy #4 – Look for common ground.
A great tactic to employ is to try to look at the situation from the other person's point of view – to mentally put yourself in their shoes. If you've already listened to them with respect and an empathetic ear, it should be easy enough to do. As you look to share your perspective with them, do so with an orientation toward what you have in common first. This further establishes trust and respect that makes it easier to ultimately offer a solution that can be mutually beneficial.
Strategy #5 – Consider the importance.
Despite everything I've said above, not every conflict is worthy of the fight. Some people in your life might simply enjoy conflict for the sake of conflict (everyone has one of those relatives or coworkers, right?). And only you can calculate the importance of the conflict and determine if it’s worth employing these strategies. One thing to note is that we also make decisions about conflict based on the balance of power between the conflicting parties. If the person you're in conflict with happens to be your parent or your boss, for example, you're more likely to be accommodating. In fact, accommodating is one of five different types of conflict management styles. If you are intrigued and want to dig deeper, you can take a quiz to discover your personal dominant conflict management style at my company blog here.
This holiday season, with these five strategies in your personal arsenal, I hope you can think of conflict as an opportunity. Done right, it can actually be a catalyst for deeper and more meaningful relationships.
Angie Yarbrough is a brand strategist at heart who loves nothing more than helping her clients build strong, engaging and enduring brands. She is a Principal and Co-Founder of Stratistry, a marketing and advertising consulting firm that helps with marketing strategy for The Discovery Well. This holiday season, she’ll be trying very hard to take her own advice by employing these strategies in her own life and work!