Maintaining Values in Relationship
Written by Kendall Bergman
Over the past few weeks I’ve explored why values are important, how to identify your values and taking action based on your values. Today I’m going to focus on how to maintain your values while in relationship. No matter what the relationship is…romantic partner, friend, family member, colleague…staying true to your purpose and intention is crucial to maintain a lasting and meaningful connection with another person.
How is it possible to be your truest and most authentic self and be in relationship with someone who has different, or even opposing, values? Once you know what your values are and have begun taking action based on those values, it is not only possible to live a value-based life with other people, it is a natural progression.
If everyone around you held the exact same values, life would be predictable and quite boring. The idea of an echo chamber proves this to be true. When we surround ourselves only with those who believe as we do and prevent contrasting views, thoughts and values from coming into our purview, we fail to be wholehearted human beings. Rigid sameness inevitably leads to sanctimony, arrogance, pride, fear and division.
Our differences make life more interesting. Realizing that beauty, freedom and truth are discovered in the differences leads to deeper and richer relationships with other people. Our differences result in respect, humility, dignity, confidence and unity. In order for this to be achieved we must nurture courage, curiosity and acceptance.
This doesn’t mean that we sacrifice our core values or compromise our beliefs. It simply means that we practice an open and non-judgmental curiosity about who the other person is. Asking another person “Why is that value important to you?”, or “What does that conviction mean to you?” doesn’t cost the questioner anything except the possibility of learning about the other person and inviting trust, vulnerability and a bit of intimacy into the relationship
Keep in mind, the nature of the relationship will require various levels of engagement. For instance, you are going to be curious at a deeper level with a romantic partner than with a colleague. That said, your values are ever present and can serve as a consistent compass no matter the relationship.
I encourage you to know your values, live a life in alignment with those values and freely engage in relationship from the perspective of your values. Increase curiosity, practice vulnerability and walk in courage. Kendall is here to walk out this process with you. Don’t hesitate to contact her at hello@thediscoverywell.com to schedule a free consultation!