Practice of Resilience
Written by Kendall Bergman
What is your understanding of resilience? What is your current relationship with that understanding?
My relationship with resilience is ever-evolving and has been marked by ebbs and flows…like the ocean’s changing and yet, mostly, predictable tides. In its simplest meaning, resilience is our ability to recover quickly from difficulties, or, elasticity. The idea of elasticity resonates with me. It is my experience that resilience is the ability to bounce back after, or even in the midst of adversity. And elasticity assumes expansion and contraction.
In my earlier years, I held a very Western view of resilience. Resilience was about rugged individualism and pulling myself up by my own bootstraps. If I fell down, screwed up or failed, it was up to me to stay positive, move on and power through the situation or relationship. It was about self-sufficiency and getting shit done. I don’t know about you, but I discovered that this way of being resilient is lonely and exhausting.
Over the past couple decades, I’ve revisited this very limiting view of resilience. My perspective and understanding has radically shifted. I now see that resilience is a practice…a muscle to be exercised and made stronger. I’ve also discovered that resilience is an intentional choice that is surrounded by grace and hope, and most sustainability occurs in the context of relationships. The idea of “practice” is big with me. Practice is an invitation to try, stumble, play and learn…fail. I can hear you groaning. It’s okay. We’ve all been there, and every time we fail is an opportunity to exercise our resilience muscle.
Resilience matters, because it allows me to bounce back after I have gone through a difficult experience or season. When my mom and dad died...when a romantic relationship ended...when I lost a job...when I was experiencing a crisis of faith. I have wanted and lost and grieved and wailed. And I have come through, because in the deepest parts of my soul, the Spirit of God and a connection with the Divine remind me that I will pass through these gut-wrenching seasons…that is resilience.
There are moments when it feels like these experiences of loss and failure should have killed me. But they didn’t. They provide me with the opportunity to grow more into the image of the One who created me. Listen, it truly does rain on the just and the unjust alike. No one escapes suffering. When suffering comes knocking, resilience is the ability to choose the hope-filled way.
Resilience shows up when I move through the adversity into a truer version of myself. Resilience operates as an ally and friend when I am stuck in the mire and feeling the pangs of hopelessness and despair. Resilience reminds me that I am NOT the hard and difficult season…and resilience tells me “You’ve got this. Just do the next thing…whatever that is…get out of bed, go and brush your teeth, pray. Or, get dressed and go on that hike you’ve been thinking about. Or, pick up the phone and call your friend. You are not alone. And you know…your life has shown you…that this is going to pass.”
Resilience has always been part of the human make-up. Humanity continues to propagate, survive and thrive over millennia…through natural disasters, atrocities against other humans, wars, genocides, terminal illnesses, racism…and most recently, a global pandemic. Resilience doesn’t take away the collective trauma and grief we experience. Resilience has the potential to create a way through the trauma.
The practice of resilience doesn’t have to be mean or harsh or isolating. In its fullest, the practice of resilience is a soft place to land…a place where we are safe, loved and known…where hope fully lives. When I choose to live into resilience in this way, I recover more easily and more quickly…I’m more secure, confident and rested. When I trust the power of resilience in a way that I trust the ebbs and flows of the ocean’s tide, a knowing wells up within telling me that this too shall pass…and I will be okay.
From 2019-2020 I participated in the Certificate in Resilient Service program through The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. This program helped me better understand how I could possibly shift my career focus and be more fully and wholeheartedly aligned with my values in my work, play, relationships…in all parts of my life. If you’re interested in reading more about my journey with this notion of resilience and discovering purpose as I experienced it through the Certificate in Resilient Service program, go here. And as always, feel free to reach out to me directly at kendall@thediscoverywell.com to schedule a complimentary discovery session to learn more about this intersection of hope and resilience.