Rhythms and Routines
Written by Kendall Bergman
In a previous blog, I talked about being stuck and the role perfectionism plays in keeping me stuck. You might recall the notion of ambivalence…simultaneously wanting more than one thing related to a person or situation. I suggested that staying ambivalent (i.e., stuck) is a choice in itself. Choosing (something specific…anything) is imperative in order to move out of the stuck-ness.
Oftentimes, it’s helpful to identify a couple core values and beliefs to serve as a barometer around the decision-making process. I recall when I was deciding whether or not to leave my 13+-year career in the cancer non-profit space in June 2020, I weighed the pros and cons of staying vs. leaving. In addition (and possibly more importantly), I thought about my value of work/life balance and belief that constantly reacting to the tyranny of the urgent is destructive. Once I had clarity on a value and belief being offended…and that, honestly, the organizational environment had become untenable...I more confidently decided to leave my job and venture into the unknown.
This decision was not without stress and fear. However, because there was intention and discipline applied to the ultimate decision, I discovered the courage and strength within to make the hard choice. Venturing into what is unknown has its own challenges, but I was seeking more in a balanced flow.
Identifying and incorporating rhythms and routines into my life has been an antidote to patterns of stuck-ness that can permeate and paralyze me. You might notice I didn’t say habits or goals. I don’t know about you, but I have a complicated relationship with the concepts I typically associate with those words. Even the thought of starting a new habit or setting new goals makes me automatically (and almost immediately) go to thoughts of failure and shame. Maybe I’m the only one that struggles with these categories, but I have a strong hunch I’m not.
Rather than completely throw out the potential positive impact that creating habits and having goals might bring, I prefer to instead think of intention and discipline…and not just any old discipline. I believe in the idea of grace-filled, or -infused, discipline.
I find that when I set intention and practice discipline in unison with a flow and grace, I can hold the tension of hope and uncertainty like a hand in glove. As with the decision to leave my career, setting intention and practicing grace-filled discipline around the situation aided the movement away from stuck-ness. It also helped a lot to measure the intention and discipline against my values and beliefs. I pay close attention when decisions are counter to the values I hold most closely. Typically, when this occurs…I look inward and stay curious. I might ask myself, “what is important to me at this moment?”
You might be wondering what any of this has to do with building rhythms and routines into my life. Living intentionally and practicing discipline are actually the rhythms that serve me well…they assist in the development of routines that provide structure to my days and weeks and allow me to flourish. Morning meditation and prayer, journaling, and regular exercise are practices I have found beneficial and, ultimately, transformative. While these activities can be done anytime throughout the day, I find it helpful to set aside time in the morning...in the quiet before the business of the day sets in...to look inward and upward from a place of sincere curiosity. I might ask myself, “God, what do you have for me today?” “Where is my gratitude in this moment?” “Will I be open to surprise?”
I’m only human and, therefore, often ignore these rhythms and routines. Even so, I am quick to remind myself that the GRACE is infused in all of me…the intentions I set, the disciplines I practice, the rhythms I seek and the routines I live in. Grace is key. Grace is transformative. Grace is abundantly available.
A friend recently said, “Grace is the deep breath that I take that relaxes me and says ‘yes, everything is okay. This is held by God. You’re okay.’” As you seek to thoughtfully live with intention and to practice discipline in your own daily routines, my hope for you is that you too discover this plentiful grace that can wholly inform your rhythms and routines.
And as always, feel free to reach out to kendall@thediscoverywell.com if you or some you know would enjoy learning more or would like to schedule a complimentary discovery session.