The Power of Courage and Vulnerability
Written by Kendall Bergman
Growing up, I was taught to strive for perfection, fear risk, and avoid failure. While my heart may have wanted to be open and honest with friends and family, I was encouraged to be practical and achieve a “sensible” degree in college–you know, have something to fall back on if my dreams (miniscule as they were) never came to fruition.
I continued playing it safe in my professional and personal pursuits for a couple of decades after college, but consistently felt hypocritical, bored and uninspired. After losing my job in 2002, something inside me awakened and I took a leap by leaving my hometown and sojourning to Seattle to study theology and psychology. The years I spent in Seattle awakened my heart and soul from naming the shame that felt like a constant companion, to courageously stepping into fear, and experiencing the strength of being vulnerable.
Building upon the transformation that started in Seattle, I’ve come to believe there is more power in the practice of a thing than in the mastery over a thing.
Building upon the transformation that started in Seattle, I’ve come to believe there is more power in the practice of a thing than in the mastery over a thing. This realization has occurred over time and has included a path of discovering the freedom of practicing courageous vulnerability...asking for help when I am in need...sharing my sorrows and disappointments with my trusted community...celebrating successes and failures alike...being honest about my insecurities...leaning into the process of learning and letting go of the need to know.
In Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly she wrote, “As children we found ways to protect ourselves from vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished, and disappointed. We put on armor; we used our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as weapons; and we learned how to make ourselves scarce, even to disappear. Now as adults we realize that to live with courage, purpose, and connection – to be the person who we long to be – we must again be vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen.”
What Brené is saying reminds me of the lion in The Wizard of Oz, who is characterized as cowardly and in need of courage. Typically, lions are viewed as “kings of the beasts”. But this lion is fearful and convinced that his fear makes him inadequate. He is unable to sleep, cries when Dorothy smacks his nose, and runs for his life from the Wizard. Ironically, the courage he believes must be given to him magically by the Wizard was living within himself the entire time. He discovers the strength of character and understanding that he was brave all along. It is in the face of danger (not an absence of it) that his courage is fully manifested. Once the lion faces his fear, encounters his shame and embraces vulnerability he is able to exchange his cowardice for courage.
Like the lion, we have the courage and strength we need living within us. We only need to reach inside to access it. As I have learned from my own transformation, it’s much easier said than done. And it is ultimately most fully attained in the context of a trusted relationship. Who is in your life with whom you can practice courageous vulnerability? A family member or friend? A pastor or rabbi? A counselor or coach?
How will you vulnerably lean into the courage that is inside of you?