Love Your Neighbor as You Love Yourself
Written by Kendall Bergman
I grew up going to church every Sunday with my family. We were taught that God loves perfectly and unconditionally. We were taught that we are commanded to love as God loves…perfectly and unconditionally. It’s already an impossible set up. It’s a recipe for shame, guilt and resignation…I’m imperfect, undeserving, unworthy and unlovable because I can not love perfectly and unconditionally.
Preachers and teachers also told me to love my neighbor as I love myself. Did you read that first paragraph? I was already in a no-win situation. Love my neighbor as I love myself? I don’t even know how to love God, much less myself or my neighbor.
Let’s talk about self-love for a minute. Another message I received early on in church said that to love myself was arrogant, prideful and self-centered. God calls me to sacrifice, compromise and die to myself daily. Well…geez…if I love my neighbor as I love myself, I would totally beat them up, load them down with guilt and shame and remind them how completely unworthy they are. That’s helpful, right?
In my adult years I started learning about this thing called grace. Have you ever heard of it? It’s ridiculously lavish, abundant and radical…counter-cultural if you will. This thing called grace bathes me in a love that tells me I’m okay just as I am. It tells me that Christ was born, lived his life, died on a cross and rose again because he loved me so very VERY much. If I let that sink in, truly believe it and live into that story instead of the story that tells me how short I fall below God’s standards…that I’m only a wretch…that I’ll never ever measure up…well, the tables have turned and I KNOW my worth. And it’s priceless.
If I design my life to love my neighbor as I love myself from the perspective of God’s love for me. Holy cow! I’m skipping down the street, smiling from ear to ear, shaking a stranger’s hand, offering the old man help across the street, sitting silently with the broken hearted as they weep, offering a kind word instead of vitriol, waiting patiently in line at the grocery store.
Love your neighbor as you love yourself. What if you really loved yourself? I mean deep in your guts. You accepted and loved yourself just as you are…with the judgmental attitude, the extra 20 pounds, the singleness, the childlessness, the unmet desires. What if you honestly loved all of it? What if you were able to fully love all of it because you know…really believe…that the Creator of the entire universe loves you? I believe that Creator loves your judgmental attitude, the extra 20 pounds, the singleness, the childlessness, the unmet desires. And that same God invites you into something new, life-giving and eternally sustainable.
I’ll tell you...that is an absolute game-changer. As I live into accepting, receiving and remaining in that love…oh gosh…freedom pours out. I am compelled by love. I love God. I love myself. And…yes…I really love my neighbor.
I love the grumpy guy on his bike at White Rock Lake (see previous blog for context). I love the woman blasting her horn at me to hurry up and go. I love the person cutting me off in traffic and then shooting a bird high in the sky. I love the family a few houses down from me who like to play their music really loud during major holidays.
How will you love your neighbor as you love yourself today? Take a step back…do you know how to love yourself…the brilliant, radiant, wonderful you? If you would like to step into what that kind of love could look like, reach out to Kendall to schedule a free consultation today at hello@thediscoverywell.com.