Particularity, Meaning and Context
Written by Kendall Bergman
Have you ever wondered if the details of your life matter? I’m talking about the specifics…the day and year you entered the world…where you were born…who your parents are…your gender, race, ethnicity…siblings or lack thereof…whether or not you were adopted…the schools you attended…the work you’ve done…the places you’ve lived and where you currently reside. Listen, this list could go on and on and become ever more granular.
You may (or may not) disagree, but I believe the answer is yes…the particularities of our life matter. They inform, shape and impact our experience. In real time or in reflective hindsight the specificities serve as signposts pointing us toward understanding the meaning and purpose of our lives.
I was meeting with a client the other day. We’ve been working on identifying her individual core values, including why each of those values is central to who she is and who she aspires to be. We had completed those value statements and I asked her to think about an overarching personal mission or vision statement…a statement encapsulating the reason she is here. She sincerely responded with, “I don’t know”. I’ll be honest. Her response completely resonated with me.
Even though we had just uncovered her core values as a human being…those attributes she holds with highest regard…those characteristics that without she fails to be her most authentic self…those parts of her that motivate, guide and fuel her - she could not tell me her purpose…her mission or vision statement were elusive. Even with those value statements guiding the way, she found herself smack dab in the middle of a gigantic piece of paper and she immediately felt lost and alone. Does this resonate with you?
Most of us don’t know what to do, where to begin and how to fill in a blank sheet of paper. We, too, become lost. We probably crumple the paper up and throw it in the trash when someone invites us to dream big for ourselves. Something in us shuts down…it’s too scary…too risky…too hard! So, we give up before we’ve ever really started. More often than not we give up because we feel alone.
You see, human beings were created to be in relationship with one another. We were created to be truly seen and to know we belong. We were created to reflect back to one another grace and truth. So no wonder I was greeted by a blank stare when I asked my client for an overarching mission or vision statement. It’s a tall order and can feel impossible to determine alone…like an indecipherable code. However, in the context of relationship…having a safe and trusted person reflect grace and truth back to us…the impossible becomes possible, feasible and doable.
Okay, so what does all of this have to do with why particularity and context matter? The particulars and context of my clients life are what brought us together. The specifics of who, what, when, where, why and how…all of it…her entire story up to now…became part of our work together. And all of it directly and indirectly informed the specifics of her personal core values and corresponding value statements.
A large part of our lives is overrun with labels others have assigned to us and we accept as legitimate. We take on identities that are not our own and tell ourselves stories about those identities in order to make sense of our world…in order to shed the false labels…the identities that are a mere shadow of truth, it is imperative that we understand, explore and reflect on the specifics and particularities unique to each one of us.
If this seems abstract and intangible…well, in some ways it is. And at the exact same time the specifics…the details and context of your life…are supremely concrete and substantive. They are real…because you are real. They matter because you really matter.
What are the specifics and context of your story…the demographics, if you will? Have you viewed these details as simple facts and nothing more? I’m telling you, they are more than that. To reiterate, they serve as signposts pointing us to understanding and activating the meaning and purpose of our lives.
Do you find yourself struggling to identify and name why you are on this earth? Join the human race. So many people want to live a life of meaning and locating an answer to the why of you is a place to start. Interested in starting this journey today? Reach out to me (kendall@thediscoverywell.com) to schedule a free discovery session today.