The Grueling Reality of Hope
Written by Kendall Bergman
About a year ago I asked a friend what hope looks like in his life. He didn’t immediately respond and then said, “I’m too busy making sure I’m providing for my family, keeping customers happy and living life to spend time hoping. Hoping doesn’t put food on the table.” I clarified that I wasn’t talking about hope as a notion of pie-in-the-sky magical thinking, but rather as a point on the horizon that we intend to reach…with great intention, preparation, expectation and anticipation. We chatted for a few more minutes, but I’m not sure I convinced him that hope could be useful and productive.
The conversation left me feeling sad. Sad for my friend and sad because I imagine it’s likely that his perspective is common. In my experience, a sense of hope is essential for forward progress and momentum to occur. That said, it’s not surprising that people avoid hope. It can be dangerous to hope.
Hope that you get the job you’ve applied and interviewed for. And they go with the other gal. Hope that the next Bumble or Hinge match will “the one”. And the guy is rude to coffee shop staff and talks the entire time about himself…never once asking you a single question. Hope that your beloved child gets into the university they’ve been working toward since freshman year of high school. And they are waitlisted. Hope that your spouse is healed from a life-threatening illness. And they pass away.
Why bother, right? It’s painful and useless to hope. Our lives are in the hands of fate. I disagree. I am convinced hope serves us…and it serves those around us. Go ahead and hope that the next online date will spring into something real. Pour hope into your spouse’s healing. Sure…our hearts are going to be broken along the way, but as Lord Tennyson coined in the 1800’s “...’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. This centuries old poet knew the cost of hope…hope in love and life and loss.
The dilemma…grueling reality, really…of hope has plagued humanity forever. A couple millenia ago, the apostle Paul wrote in Romans 8:24-25, “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”
There is a cost to hope…to pray, prepare and plan…and to not get the thing. It hurts. But, it doesn’t have to destroy us. You see, when we give up on hope we are giving up on ourselves and the world around us. In my opinion, there is widespread hopelessness on the rise in our world today…for sure in the west. Depression and suicide rates are on the rise. Even a glimmer of hope is better than none at all.
Are you wrestling with giving up on hope? Do you want to give hope a chance? The first step is connecting with another person. Reach out to me at kendall@thediscoverywell.com. I would love to speak with you!